so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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