I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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