I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
