I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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