I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I pour the whiskey from now on
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
