So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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