Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
jump out the window naked night went bad
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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