The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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