She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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