i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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