I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
