3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
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