My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
