Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
