You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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