Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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