True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
