ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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