we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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