yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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