I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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