but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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