She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i came on her dog
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
