It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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