It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
