my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I need to stop coming to work sober
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
