Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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