Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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