I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
