i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just gift wrapped bread.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
