When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My breasts were aching with rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize