pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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