She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
