it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
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