I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
