Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
