sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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