the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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