that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
