i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
