I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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