My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
