i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
