Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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