i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
