I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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