there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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