We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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