If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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