i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
