Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
