At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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