You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
