My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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