Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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