My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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