you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
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He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
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Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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