ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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