it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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