she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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