If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
